A Path of Radical Consciousness Change

📖 What’s This Paper About?

This chapter from the book “Monks Speak” explores how Western-born Buddhist monks experienced deep consciousness transformation through Buddhist practice. It analyzes interview data showing how their focus shifted from external solutions to internal mindfulness as they discovered that suffering’s root lies not in external circumstances but in one’s consciousness.

Why This Matters

Though not explicitly about psychedelics, this research offers profound insights into consciousness transformation that parallel psychedelic experiences. The monks’ journeys from substance addiction and external pleasure-seeking to meditation practice illuminate universal paths to healing and self-understanding.

• Documents the shift from external to internal focus as a path to reducing suffering
• Shows how meditation offers alternatives to substance use for altering consciousness
• Demonstrates how psychotherapy can be a bridge to deeper spiritual practice

Top 5 Takeaways

2. Psychotherapy as a Stepping Stone

For three of the monks, psychotherapy served as an important bridge between external solutions and internal transformation, teaching them to recognize painful emotions and develop self-awareness—critical skills for their later Buddhist practice.

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The Bigger Picture

This research highlights the complementary relationship between Western psychotherapy and Eastern contemplative traditions. While meditation can help transcend suffering, psychological work may be necessary to address trauma and develop the foundation for deeper practice. The interplay between these approaches suggests that healing often requires both addressing psychological wounds and cultivating awareness of consciousness itself.

Final Thought

As Shantideva eloquently put it: “Instead of covering the earth with leather, we can simply wear shoes.” Similarly, rather than trying to change all external conditions to end suffering, we might simply work on transforming our own consciousness.

This chapter examines how Western-born Buddhist monks experienced profound consciousness transformation through Buddhist practice. The research reveals a shift in focus from external experiences to internal awareness as monks progressed in their practice. A key insight emerges: suffering’s source is not found in the external world but in human consciousness, leading practitioners to seek internal transformation rather than external change.

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Keywords: Buddhist monks, consciousness transformation, meditation, suffering, Eastern philosophy, psychological healing

Analysis of the Interviews

From External to Internal

Observing how monks present their life stories reveals a shift in their focus of experience: before Buddhist practice entered their lives, life stories tend to center on events in the concrete, external world, like things they did or events that occurred in their lives. But as their life story progresses and they gradually commit to Buddhist practice, attention shifts to describing insights, experiences, heart reflections, reflections, and internal transformations.

This shift in the focus of life stories to events in the monks’ inner world is related to the Buddhist conception of awakening and liberation from suffering; it is a path of radical consciousness change. The Second Noble Truth points to the source of suffering: it lies in human consciousness—in the karma accumulated and in troubling emotions. Ignorance—which in Buddhist terms means a person’s mistaken perception of themselves and the world—underpins troubling emotions like attachment and anger.

Thus, for instance, an ordinary person who wakes up depressed will seek the source in the external world: a friend hurt them, their economic situation is not good, their relationship is faltering, work doesn’t fulfill them, and so on. They are convinced that if only they earned more money or if relations with that friend improved, they would be calm and satisfied. But this perception, stemming from clinging to external objects, only increases their suffering. An insight like this is the beginning of the Buddhist path, and it is the reason for the shift in the focus of the monks’ life stories: the understanding that the source of suffering they experienced in their lives is internal and conscious leads them to understand that change must occur in their consciousness and not in external conditions.

These can be identified in the stories of the four monks. In the past, before they practiced Buddhism, they tended to seek experiences of pleasure and enjoyment in external things, like a life of revelry or extreme sports. Gradually their ways of coping with their suffering change: from finding concrete and external solutions—which are certainly not satisfying, like alcohol or migration—toward internal consciousness change, like psychological therapy or Buddhist practice.

External Solutions for Dealing with Suffering and Crisis Periods

Addictions: alcohol, drugs, food. Three of the four monks described long periods in their lives when they consumed alcohol on a daily basis. Alcohol provided them with a response to internal pain they experienced, and sometimes gave them a momentary feeling of enjoyment and happiness, while releasing internal inhibitions.

Monk Sophia became addicted to drinking alcohol, which helped her dull the pain she experienced and blur her negative insights about herself. When she stopped drinking, she was exposed to intense psychological pain: “I couldn’t live normally without alcohol. I was full of anger, because I felt incapable of doing anything. I don’t know, it was truly terrible. And then I also fell into eating. I became addicted to food.”

Beyond temporary relief from suffering, Sophia describes how drinking helped improve her mood and remove social barriers she experienced when not drinking. Under the influence of drinking, she felt liberated and witty in the company of people. She also describes the secondary gains from drinking alcohol: her customers at the restaurant invited her to drink with them, and she earned a lot of money from it. When she hurt someone, drinking served as an excuse for not taking responsibility for her actions.

For monk Daniel, alcohol primarily served the role of dulling and weakening intense psychological distress from which he suffered in his youth and early adulthood. He described recurring episodes of depression and loneliness, accompanied by feelings of social alienation that evoked pain and sadness in him. His attempts to dull the suffering through alcohol and drugs increased his suffering in the long term and caused harmful and aggressive behaviors toward his surroundings. The difficulty in giving up drug use stemmed in part from the fact that the only moments when he felt free from suffering were when he was “high.”

Life of pleasure: when paradise becomes boring. Some of the monks describe in their past a hedonistic lifestyle, which may indicate their tendency to seek satisfaction and relief in external factors, like hobbies and entertainment. Monk Sophia describes how at the age of fifteen she left school because she didn’t like the educational framework. She chose to work in a sports store and thus fulfill her love for skiing and mountain climbing. Later in her life, she decided to overcome her fears and leave the familiar and secure, and set out alone on a journey that began with a life of pleasure. She recounts that she traveled the world and “lived life.” She felt free, traveled from island to island in the Pacific, hiked in New Zealand and the Far East, but eventually came feelings of saturation and boredom: “Paradise became boring, this freedom became boring,” she testifies.

Monk Adam also describes in his past a long period of hedonism, where he used to drink to intoxication daily and go out every night to clubs. The life of revelry and partying was for him a way to deal with financial and family difficulties he encountered: “I drank a lot of alcohol and wasted my life, running in pubs… I also hung out in nightclubs, danced with girls… the next day I was sick and couldn’t go to work, I had headaches all day, and then the next night I went back to the same places, and did the same things the next day too. And all the days I was sick.” Adam testifies that despite the suffering caused to him by his life of revelry and drinking, he could not find another way and deal with his difficulties in a constructive way.

Monk Daniel summarizes: “For several months I hung out with a group of guys, and we celebrated all the time. I organized all these parties, and all this madness was around me. This was the hardest period of my life.”

Wandering and migration: changing the external environment as a solution to suffering

In the life stories of two of the monks, it is evident that in their past they tended to deal with psychological pain and suffering by changing the external environment and migrating to another place of residence. However, in both cases, it appears that this did not provide a solution to their suffering.

Monk Adam describes from his teenage years a tendency to wander from place to place. At the age of fifteen, he was struggling with his studies and left school. He began wandering from place to place, and thus spent many years of his life. The great crisis came when he chose to remain on one farm for several years. In this case, he did not change the external environment, and was forced to remain in his place of residence and deal with the difficulties that arose.

Monk Michael also describes a period of crisis that he attributes to his participation in war and the difficult economic and social situation prevailing in his country of residence. He also describes feelings of depression that arose in him during that period following unrequited love for his therapist. He emigrated to another country, hoping that fleeing “as far away as possible” would ease the internal suffering and alienation he experienced. But migration only deepened the feeling of alienation and loneliness, and after two years he returned to his country of origin.

Suicidal Act as a Way to Stop Psychological Pain

Two of the monks considered suicide during periods of crisis filled with suffering, and the third carried out a suicide attempt out of a desire to end his suffering.

Monk Michael described a crisis period in his life, during which he experienced severe depression and feelings of worthlessness and loneliness: “I felt… um… it’s difficult for me, difficult for me to convey this feeling. It was simply clinical depression, there were no colors and everything was just black and white, and everything was ‘what’s the point, what’s the benefit, what’… everything seemed pointless. And… one day I took pills, took alcohol and took to connect it to the exhaust, and drove to some place that was dear to me and tried to kill myself”… When he woke up in the hospital two days later, he felt failure and deep frustration that he had not managed to fulfill his strong desire to eliminate the feelings of suffering he felt inside.

Monk Daniel also describes active suicidal thoughts that arose during a crisis period he went through, after he stopped using drugs and alcohol. He discovered the cognitive damage caused to him following prolonged use of drugs, and this caused him much suffering: “I say this was the hardest period of my life. I felt I had damaged my brain. I couldn’t think… I couldn’t even write one thing. I barely held on at work, it took me hours just to prepare a few sandwiches. It was very confusing and dark… This was the most painful period… I felt I didn’t want to live like this. Of course I wasn’t brave enough, but I thought about how I would kill myself… I thought about it a lot, a lot. It was definitely a valid option. The other options were that I would just go back and go crazy, use as many drugs as I could; because I wanted to get into other drugs, like heroin and such. Because why not? I have nothing to lose.” Daniel describes how awareness of the cognitive damage caused to him evoked difficult feelings of depression and impairment, until he felt he could not live with those feelings and it would be easier to end them through a suicidal act.

Similarly, monk Sophia described a period of extreme suffering she experienced after she stopped drinking alcohol. Fears, death anxieties, and nightmares attacked her night after night. She considered two coping possibilities: either suicide or getting psychological help. She looked for a way to commit suicide that would arouse as little guilt as possible among her relatives, and considered how to stage her death so that it would look like an accident. In the end, she gave up on the idea of suicide because she thought about the suffering that the act would cause her father.

Beginning of the Path: Turning to Psychological Therapy

The monks describe a gradual process of seeking relief through internal consciousness change. Turning to psychological therapy in the midst of a crisis period is an expression of the beginning of such a process. After examining external solutions to their suffering—in the form of addictions, consideration of suicide attempts, and migration—they recognize that the source of suffering they are experiencing is internal, and that they need to treat their wounded psyche. For this purpose, they turn to psychological therapy.

As part of the therapy, the monks developed awareness of painful emotions and emotional wounds they carried with them from the past. They began a process of coping and processing them, in contrast to their tendency in the past to try to flee from them. Broader questions about the meaning of life also received processing, and this provided them with a response to feelings of depression and lack of meaning from which they suffered. In my assessment, psychological therapy and working on wounded areas in their psyche was an important stage toward their commitment to the spiritual path.

Monk Daniel began studying at a Buddhist practice center, and alongside this participated in a therapeutic group and personal therapy sessions with a Buddhist teacher who was also a therapist by profession. She led a therapeutic group at the center, and also incorporated private meetings in which she deepened the acquaintance with the participants. Daniel testifies that he expressed painful and difficult contents from his past in the therapeutic group. He shared his intense feelings with the group members, and felt that his pains were contained and processed in a safe environment. This process helped him develop self-awareness and reflected changes in his behavior that occurred during that period. For example, someone told him that he had become an unpleasant and unfriendly person to his surroundings. This reflection caused him to decide to give up completely on drug use.

Monk Sophia also recounts that she turned to psychological therapy during a crisis period when her distress worsened, and her fears rose and deprived her of sleep. She describes consciousness changes that occurred in the therapeutic process: she developed self-awareness of the reasons for her actions and choices, and became aware of the extent to which fear controlled her and caused her to avoid dealing with her problems. In the description of the therapeutic work, which was accompanied by guided imagination, she describes how she experienced her problems as large and threatening monsters, and herself as small and helpless. She understood that her suffering stemmed, among other things, from her tendency to avoid interpersonal conflicts out of fear of hurting those close to her, and this tendency caused her to accumulate anger. In therapy, she was opened to the possibility of dealing with her fears in an active way, in contrast to the helplessness she experienced in the past. She began to express more anger toward those around her and protest when she experienced injustice toward her. In parallel, the therapist helped her connect to the good parts within herself, even when she experienced despair and desire to die. From a Buddhist perspective, he helped her see the positive nature of her consciousness.

Sophia testifies that at the end of the therapy she felt strong enough to make significant decisions in her life without succumbing to her fears, and at the age of thirty-eight decided to leave her workplace and go on a big journey around the world. A step of this kind would not have been possible for her before the therapeutic process. The therapy created in her an internal change that allowed her to take this step.

Looking Inward: Meditation Practice

As the life stories of the monks progress, they are dedicated mainly to describing the Buddhist practice that filled a central part in their lives and occupations during the period when the interviews with them were conducted. In this sense, the focus of their being moved from the outside—from the concrete earthly world—toward internal consciousness work. Meditation served as the door through which they entered the world of practice, and they describe its impact on their lives.

Daniel describes his first experience with meditation practice, which occurred during a period when he was regularly using drugs. He learned to practice meditation from a person who was also addicted to drugs in his past, and chose to recover and practice meditation daily. Daniel identifies the impact of the encounter with meditation practice on his consciousness. He learned from the teacher he met that he should respect meditation and practice without the influence of drugs. The feeling that he could influence his consciousness without consuming drugs provided him with a sense of strength and ability. Before he practiced meditation, he felt he could not feel happy without drugs, and therefore his happiness depended on an external factor. The experience of meditation and its voluntary effect on his consciousness without drug consumption constituted a preferred alternative for him. Through meditation, he was able to deal with suffering and develop positive feelings of ability and meaning. However, at this stage he was not strong enough to give up drug use, and he moved between periods of intensive use and periods of meditation practice.

Monk Sophia describes her first encounter with practice as difficult and challenging. After prolonged sitting in meditation, she experienced severe pain in her body, and to these were added resistance and boredom that arose in her during Vipassana courses. When she described how she was involved in a rickshaw accident after escaping from a Vipassana course, she criticized the Buddhist stance that directs observation of consciousness without reaction and without action. Under the influence of prolonged meditation practice, she took an observant and watchful stance at the time of the accident, at the time when, according to her opinion, she should have acted and jumped from the rickshaw to save herself. When she complained about this to the teacher at the course she returned to after the accident, he enlightened her to the possibility that she would have been injured more severely if she had reacted and jumped from the rickshaw.

As the path continued, meditation became for Sophia a tool to identify her cognitive distortions, and helped her weaken her tendency to judge others. She describes how she observed her consciousness and discovered that she was preoccupied with selfish thoughts: “In one of the meditations I sat and thought if I should do the laundry before noon or after. Because if I wash before noon, maybe there won’t be enough food left, but then there will be empty bowls; and if I wash after the food, I’ll have a full stomach, but then there won’t be bowls. And then suddenly this huge thought entered my head: Oh… I forgot the detergent next to the place where they do laundry. It was a small package of five rupees… this completely diverted all my thought from meditation, and I thought: surely someone took it, and where will I find other detergent now? And I won’t be able to do my laundry, and detergent, detergent, detergent!” This observation of her consciousness allowed her to identify her tendencies and the things that disturb her about herself.

Sophia testifies that at the end of the therapy she felt strong enough to make significant decisions in her life without succumbing to her fears, and at the age of thirty-eight decided to leave her workplace and go on a big journey in the world. A step of this kind would not have been possible for her before the therapeutic process. The therapy created an internal change that allowed her to do this step.

From Blaming the Environment to Taking Responsibility

At this stage, a change can be discerned in the self-experience and world experience of the monks: from a passive and helpless self-perception in the face of what happens in their lives and a tendency to blame their suffering on their parents and their environment, toward a more active stance of control over their consciousness.

It is evident that in their past the monks tended to experience the world and the events of their lives as external and random by nature, while they themselves were weak and without influence. Gradually they describe how consciousness changes influence the way they experience events, while the dichotomy between the self and the external phenomena in their world blurs. These changes are consistent with the Buddhist conception regarding the source of suffering as located in the person’s consciousness, and in the mistaken self-perception.

Thus, for example, monk Adam describes a passive stance he took in his youth towards life. His past is described as a collection of concrete events, of actions, and of places through which he passed in his wanderings. His descriptions are characterized by a sense of randomness. He describes how things “just happened to him,” without stopping in the course of them for the purpose of exercising judgment and choice: “Anyway, I left school and everything, and I hitchhiked around. Every car that took me, I would travel with it. I would stay somewhere for a few weeks, from there travel to wherever they took me and work in the streets.” As the interview progresses, his life story is described more and more from the perspective of his internal world, and he tends to describe the events he goes through with awareness of the influence of his consciousness on the experience of the outside world. He describes, for example, how after the ceremony of taking refuge, the way he experienced the external world changed, while he is aware that the change in its essence is internal.

Monk Adam also describes a change in his tendency to blame the external environment for the difficult things that happen to him, accompanied by an increasing tendency to take responsibility for his life. For example, he recounts that after a period of financial downturn in which he became addicted to drinking alcohol, his family broke up. He blamed his ex-wife for the breakup of the family, a stance which expresses a passive approach to his life. In contrast, he testifies that at present he tends more to take responsibility for the way his life unfolds. Understanding the law of karma helps him understand that the source of things is within him, and that they are the result of actions he did in the past. This stance identifies his part within the reality he experiences. This blurs the distinction between the perception of a separate self that reacts passively to “external” events, and develops a more active self-description that examines his consciousness and tries to create internal change in order to deal with difficult situations.

Monk Michael also describes a similar process in his self-experience and world experience. He recounts how the belief that at every moment he creates karma that will ripen in the future, encourages him to develop control over his consciousness and his behavior. In his past he used to blame his environment and his parents for his suffering. But the belief that things are in his hands and not in the hands of a higher power helps him to be more active and able to change his consciousness, and thereby change the way he experiences things.

Discussion

To Wrap in Leather Only the Soles of My Shoes

Shantideva, the great Buddhist teacher from the eighth century, wrote in his book “The Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life:”

Where could I possibly find enough leather to cover the entire surface of the earth?
But (wearing) leather just on the soles of my shoes is equivalent to covering the earth with it.
Similarly, it is not possible for me to control and restrain external phenomena.
But should I restrain this mind of mine, what would be the need to restrain all else?

Buddhism points to the fact that the source of existential suffering is internal, and therefore the way of liberation from it begins with turning the gaze inward. The change that will occur in us will be expressed in the decision to wear shoes instead of trying to change the world outside. The Buddha testified that this change constitutes a first and necessary step on the path to commitment to radical internal consciousness work of changing the perception of self and world, which ends in liberation from suffering. In the life stories of three of the monks, the turning to psychological therapy was a first and significant step of directing the focus of coping with their suffering toward their internal world. This move is an important stage toward their commitment to the Buddhist path.

My first encounter with Buddhism was in a course on Zen Buddhism during my undergraduate studies at the university. I came diligently to the classes, sat in the first row, and slept throughout the entire semester. Even considering the possibility of sitting and meditating was unbearable and threatening for me. In retrospect, I understand that this first encounter with Buddhism and practice occurred before I had the psychological maturity required for staying in areas of the psyche that lack form, without the possibility of reaction or escape. A few years after that sleepy encounter, I arrived at my first Vipassana course. Between the two encounters, I underwent deep psychological therapy, in which traumatic areas of the psyche that for many years were hidden in me, like closed capsules, surfaced and were processed.

In the professional literature, there is reference to psychological therapy in the context of spiritual practice. Engler, as mentioned, argues that watching through meditation one’s impulses, desires, anxieties, and self-doubts, strengthens the functions of the observing ego. But spiritual practice does not exempt a person from regular developmental tasks. In my path as a therapist, I meet practitioners who feel lost and confused. Despite the practice, they find it difficult to find internal clarity and identify within themselves clear aspirations and dreams they can realize and fulfill in reality.

From here it emerges that spiritual practice can fulfill defensive purposes in a person. Therefore, Engler recommends working on the “psychological self,” on our personality and on our relations with others, even if the meaning of the thing is to deal with events and experiences unresolved from the past, in order to allow the next stage in our development. He argues that the structure of the psychological self is more personal in the West than in East Asia, where it is more anchored in a social and cultural network. The monks who are the subjects of this research came from Western culture. They tell of problems in the emotional and interpersonal domain, which according to Engler require psychological insights and processing. Mindfulness meditation places a mirror in front of consciousness, but in his opinion, it does not automatically help develop insights at the psychological level.

James S. Grotstein, a psychoanalyst and psychiatrist, addressed this issue of meditation and psychoanalysis from the perspective of Wilfred Bion. According to him, in psychoanalysis two processes are emphasized: the pure experience itself—and in the parallel Buddhist terminology “pre-conceptual awareness”—and reflection on that experience. The intention is to the part that observes the experience and gives it words and meaning. Bion emphasized the importance of the existence of pure experience in the transformation process with the term he noted with the English letter O. He describes the experience, the absolute reality, the thing in itself—or simply the truth. Grotstein points out that Buddhist meditation can be more beneficial than psychoanalysis in achieving this transcendent state of pure experience, but wonders to what extent reflection on the meditative experience takes place in Buddhist practice. He continues and asks: if a person has reached a state of pure experience in meditation, does he really need analysis and reflection on the experience? According to Buddhism, the very staying in “no-self,” in the area of pre-conceptual experience and through direct recognition of things as empty of independent existence, will enable transformation and healing without the need for interpretation and reflection.

I sometimes ponder in this context the question of whether identifying intrusive and rigid thoughts that arise during meditation can produce essential healing change, or whether the thoughts will return and appear in consciousness in one form or another. Deep meditative work of “peeling” the contents of the intrusive thought, and mindful presence with the sensations and feelings at its base, allows in my opinion a not insignificant measure of softening and weakening the intensity of the suffering. Alongside this, at the root of the pattern of intrusive thoughts is often deep and unprocessed anxiety, or a pattern of primary relationship riddled with traumatic failures. Healing of early relationship traumas asks, in my opinion, for a secure therapeutic relationship within which the wounds will be expressed and processed in the presence of a real and empathic other. For the purpose of healing, the traumatic failures will happen again within the framework of the relationship, and will receive validation and empathy from the therapist present at the time of their emergence.

Rosenbaum wrote about the connection between psychological therapy and spiritual practice in a slightly different context, and noted that psychotherapy and spiritual practice begin in the painful moments of life. In treatment where we listen and are listened to, we gradually become who we are, and thus develop faith in ourselves. Rosenbaum argues that we develop faith in therapy, in life, and in the existence of something greater than ourselves. The patient who trusts the therapy will be able to develop as a practitioner, faith and connection to the “Great Consciousness,” to the embodiment of mutual, intimate, and universal connection between all things. Hence, according to his approach as well, dealing with psychological issues is essential, and it even advances the person on his spiritual path.

The monks’ description of the effects of meditation practice on their consciousness reflects the transition they made from seeking pleasures from the material world to seeking internal consciousness changes. The monks describe how, influenced by meditation, the possibility opened before them for the first time to experience their pains, observe their consciousness, and reduce the search for external solutions to their suffering. They used meditation to identify unwanted reactions in their lives, and made a conscious effort to choose a different response.

Walking the path of Buddhist practice is for me a commitment to continuous internal observation, and ongoing work on cultivating consciousness. This is a mode of existence that sometimes seems Sisyphean and endless. It requires continuous identification of my motives for every action, while reflecting on the implications of my actions and identifying negative emotions aroused by triggers that sometimes seem small and trivial. Not infrequently, when I was restless or irritable, I was asked how it happens that I experience negative emotions if I practice Buddhism. I tend to answer that I practice because of (or thanks to) the negative emotions, because if they didn’t exist, I wouldn’t need to practice. The Dharma sees in every such event a precious opportunity for internal work. The commitment to see in every negative event an opportunity for consciousness change is the path in which I choose again and again every day when I take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, and I hope I will continue to choose them even in extreme and crisis life situations.

This is informational, not medical advice.

Sources

Sources

1. Shantideva (1979). A Guide to Bodhisattva Way of Life, in S. Batchelor (trans.), Dharamsala, India: Library of Tibetan works and archives.